Our oldest son loves the movie Shrek. It might be his most favorite thing in the entire world right now. So, we watch it a lot. Like “usually at least once a day” a lot. And maybe even twice on a Saturday or Sunday if the weather is crappy and we can’t take him outside.

Which means I’ve probably seen Shrek more than 50 times in the last few months. And, well, let’s just say I have some questions…

Spoilers if you haven’t seen it, though I don’t have a lot of sympathy since it’s almost old enough to vote at this point. Seriously, it came out in the spring of 2001.

But without further ado…

• When the guard says he’s going to remove Shrek to a designated resettlement facility, does he know at the time that Shrek already lives at that “facility?” Because that’s where all the fairytale creatures end up – Shrek’s house.

• Do Princess Fiona and Dragon get along? How long did Dragon keep Fiona in that castle? Was it just a job for Dragon? Like, did they commiserate at essentially being stuck there together? The reason I ask all these questions is because Dragon ends up married to Donkey, who is Fiona’s husband’s best friend so I imagine they would see each other a decent amount. Does that cause any awkwardness? “I know I kept you locked up in a tower all that time but it’s so great to see you.”

• At the end of the movie, during the musical rendition of “I’m a Believer,” a fairy godmother turns the Three Blind Mice and an onion into two blind horses, a blind coachman and an onion carriage. But a few seconds later, the Three Blind Mice are seen dancing on the piano keyboard. For some reason, that bugs me.

• If I’m Shrek, and I know I’m leaving my house (which is overrun by fairytale creatures) for an extended period of time, I’m finding the biggest, baddest one and saying “you can stay in my house for as long as I’m gone but you have to keep everyone else out.” Otherwise, I would imagine it was completely trashed when he got back. Maybe I’m just a cynic, though.

• Why is Robin Hood French? Is there a French version of the Robin Hood story that I don’t know about? And beyond that, if he is French, why do he and his Merry Men do Riverdance-style Irish dancing?

• It sure seems like Fiona and Lord Farquaad are legally married before Dragon eats him. Does Fiona inherit anything because of that? And what happens to Duloc after that? Is there a bureaucracy that keeps the place running? Does he have an heir or next of kin who succeeds to the throne and/or whatever title he has?